As a seasoned planner, I see the realities of kids at weddings regularly (the good, the bad, the cute, and the downright tragic). I also hear from couples about the difficulties and painstaking decision of whether or not to include children at their wedding. The conversation often stops there—a simple “yes” or “no.” However, we all know it isn’t just that easy.
Key Questions to Consider
Is your venue kid-friendly?
Consider the layout of your venue subjectively. Is this an open-air farm venue, or an upscale glass lounge in the heart of downtown? Are there safety concerns such as proximity to a busy road, bodies of water, or balconies? Is the provided transportation car seat friendly?
Do remember that as the contract signer, it is ultimately your responsibility to ensure children are behaving appropriately. If a child is injured at the event, all vendor contracts are traced back to the newlyweds. I don’t bring this up to scare you, but to remind you that it is a big deal and liability looms everywhere.
Are you willing to cater to children at your wedding?
In the next section we will dive into this deeper—but the secret to having an enjoyable kid-friendly experience is to cater to the needs of the children. Are you willing to accommodate these changes and budget for them?
Will the decision cause a major disruption to the relationship with the child or parent?
Are the children old enough to understand that they weren’t invited? Is the relationship with that child so that they will be hurt if they aren’t? (Consider—a 3 year old of a friend VS. your 11 year old niece).
Consider entertainment: Will this be uncomfortable for parents? Is it safe for young children?
Is the entertainment family friendly? We’re not just talking about music profanity—but volume levels, presence of broken glass or potential “scary” factors such as smoke machines, cold sparks or fireworks, or CO2 Cannons.
We’re saying YES!
So—you’ve decided to say yes! Consider the following tips to set those kids up for success (and a good time!)
Engage those kids.
Passing programs? Consider passing quiet fidget toys for kids during the ceremony. This will keep them quiet and engaged in an acceptable way that also makes them feel seen and appreciated. (Avoid slime or other fun-but-messy options that could cost you a damage deposit down the road).
Provide yard games like giant jenga if space allows, or tabletop games if space is limited (think matching games, Connect 4, tic-tac-toe, and other easy to follow games).
At dinner, consider a coloring booklet or wedding-specific activity book (great printable options can be found on Etsy!) at their place setting. Photo booths with props are also super popular with kids and give them a great outlet to express themselves (and great momentos for Mom and Dad!) While it used to be more popular, I don’t often see kids’ tables at receptions. Children should be monitored by their parents, and seated with them is likely the best option.
Cater to children. (Food and beverage)
While some couples don’t want to deal with the hassle of organizing kids’ meals, it often pays off! Kids’ meals are frequently at a lower cost than their adult counterparts, even if a smaller portion of the adult entree. Think chicken tenders, pizza, nuggets, or other kid-friendly options.
Be sure to have non-alcoholic drink options (besides tea!). Juice boxes, mini gatorades, and mocktails make kids feel special (Shirley temple WITH a cherry?!). Bonus points if you have a table or set-up for snacks and (pre-bottled) drinks that kids can grab on their own. Remember to have plastic cup options for littles! That could be a personalized frosted cup, a simple Chinet cup, or a plastic flute or wine glass to match the theme or adult options.
Consider drop-in childcare
It is not the servers, the wedding planners, the venue managers, or the bus driver’s job to manage guests’ children. If you’d like to alleviate the pressure on the parents, consider hiring a babysitter to keep an eye on the kids. This will allow the parents to fully enjoy themselves, and reduce the liability of an accident.
Have a private space for children or parents
If your getting-ready area is open throughout the night, consider offering it to parents (particularly those of young children or nursing mothers) to use for nap times, nursing, or quiet play. Can you put on a movie in the Groom’s suite? Use the tools your venue has to your advantage!
Make it safe.
Talk to parents ahead of time. “We are so excited that Jimmy will be able to join us for the wedding! There is a pond on the venue property. The venue is strict regarding kids near the pond for their safety, just wanted to give you a heads up!”
Connect with your DJ or Band in advance about profanity or music themes. I would say it’s generally understood that the later the night goes, the more “club-style” entertainment tends to go. Consider listing this on your wedding website under the brief timeline or FAQ sections.
For babies and young children, consider purchasing a pair or two of noise-canceling headphones or ear muffs to have on hand for their safety.
For a sparkler exit, grab a non-flammable alternative for the kids from Amazon!
We’re saying NO.
First of all—it’s OK! You’ve made an informed decision that is best for you, your vision, and your family, and that’s ok.
Over-communicate with kindness.
Making it abundantly clear that children are not invited will (hopefully) save some of those awkward interactions down the road. (Cue: “I wasn’t sure—are we able to bring Jimmy?”)
Wedding Website
Under the FAQ section, let guests know that this is an adult-only affair. Under the timeline, note that the ceremony and reception are “adults only, please”. While you under no circumstance have to give a reason, if it makes you feel better—blame it on the venue! “Due to the choice of venue, this affair will be adult-only.” or “Due to the nature of the venue’s surroundings, we have decided it safest to leave children at home. Thank you for understanding!”
Invitation
On the invitation, feel free to note that the reception is adult-only. The details card is a fantastic place to place this sentiment as well.
Addressing
Address the invitation only to the parents—for example: “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” instead of “The Smith Family.”
Stay Strong
Despite all of these warnings, you are bound to get that one guest who thinks they are the exception. “I know it says adult only, but we were wondering if Jimmy could come—my in-laws aren’t available that weekend.” I would encourage you to stay strong. As they say, “time heals all wounds” and they will likely either find another solution after hearing “no” again or sit this one out.
Sample Responses:
- “I wish we could invite Jimmy! Thank you for asking, we hope you can make it, and if you can’t we understand.”
- “I appreciate you asking, but I’m so sorry, we have decided due to our venue and accommodations that we won’t be inviting kids.
Even the Playing Field
While you don’t have to make it “all or nothing,” it certainly makes it easier. Consider inviting no children if certain kids aren’t invited. Or, make parameters, such as:
- Children of wedding party members only
- Family children only
- Children over 10 only etc.
Provide Resources
Especially if this is a destination affair, provide resources for babysitters or nannies in the area. Your wedding planner should be able to recommend services in the area! There is a niche for EVERYTHING. Consider services such as Elegant Event Sitters or The Sister Sitters.
The Final Toast
At the end of the day, you know your wedding vision best. Trust your instincts and remember that whatever you decide about kids at your wedding, it’s the right choice for your celebration. The most important thing is planning a day that feels true to you and your partner.
For more wedding planning tips and tricks to make your planning journey a bit easier, check out more of our blogs on all things weddings! ♡
